Credit: Getty

    Olivia Colman blew a raspberry and so should we

    25 February 2019

    Olivia Colman’s performance as Queen Anne in much-garlanded film The Favourite radically subverted traditional expectations of regal behaviour. And so, it turns out, did her Oscars acceptance speech. On being crowned queen of the ceremony – as you may have heard by now, she won the gong for best actress on Sunday night – she blew a raspberry at producers who attempted to hurry her off stage during her endearingly rambling address.

    Far from looking obnoxious, it was a reminder that the childish show of derision can be a triumphant way of jokily (but pointedly) asserting oneself in the face of needlessly officious authority. So, in a salute to the people’s monarch Colman, here are the other puerile mannerisms that adults should consider resurrecting.

    Blowing bubbles in drinks

    Just like dropping a raspberry, aggressively frothing up your TGI Friday’s coca-cola is a delight that is sadly confined to one’s early years. Yet there’s plenty of scope for its employment in the adult world, too. Is your deep pocketed pal insisting you spunk a tenner on a vomit-hued tumeric latte? Bubbles to that. Is your Hipster nephew suggesting you swap your usual pint together to imbibe a thistle and seaweed mocktail from a jam jar? Semaphore your disgruntlement through your straw.
    Furthermore, if they force you to wait to drink anything at all until they’ve nailed the perfect Instagram shot, it’s time to move on the teenage rulebook: upend your entire tipple over their head.

    Stamping your foot

    Who doesn’t wish they could throw a temper tantrum at the state of Brexit or yet another round of engineering works on the circle & district line? Grown-up foot-stamping could come in handy if you can’t stomach the thought of bellowing ‘Oi’ across a busy room. This is also a useful tactic if you’re too far gone to trust that you’ll be able to tap a fork against a wine glass without shattering it.

    Asking ‘Are We There Yet?’ On Car Journeys

    Yes, it will alienate you from your human travelling companions. But you and Alexa will be thick as thieves by the time you draw into the obscure Cornish fishing village where you’re spending the bank holiday weekend. When the AI revolution dawns and we’re finally at the mercy of our robot overlords, you’ll give thanks for the relationship building you did on that long ago slog down the A30.

    Sticking your fingers in your ears

    Plenty of figures in power today do the verbal equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and wailing ‘La, la, la! I can’t hear you!’ when confronted with a thorny debacle. Therefore, putting this into practice literally is simply a more honest way to live, and may in turn endear you to others. (Let’s not forget, authenticity is the coveted trait de rigeur.) If you’re of a peace and love persuasion, it’s a particularly helpful device upon hearing the following vocabulary: “Brexit,” “backstop” and “build a wall.” Yes, some may point out the irony of conveying anger about isolationist politics by physically attempting to retreat into your own, cosy milieu. But, fortuitously, you won’t be able to hear them.

    Climbing trees

    You wander past the temptingly gnarled neighbourhood climbing tree, shaking your head wistfully at the carefree abandon displayed by the nimble youngsters cavorting among its branches. But what’s to stop you having a go as well? As well as fostering a renewed respect for the environment, it’s a fun way of shoehorning some exercise into your daily routine.

    NB: Wait your turn. Elbowing others out of the way is forgivable in seven-year-olds, less so in forty-seven-year-olds – especially if the person you’re pushing aside only comes up to your kneecap.