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    How to deal with red wine stains

    23 June 2019

    Nothing causes more domestic strife than a clumsy spillage of red wine. One wild gesticulation and you’re up into the early hours googling cleaning techniques (or if you’re very unfortunate, like Boris Johnson, dealing with a police investigation). So in aid of British domestic harmony, here’s a handy how-to guide for removing the most stubborn of stains.

    1. Club soda: this most malleable of mixers will magically come to your aid in the event of a careless guest. It’s also aptly vegan, so Boris’s girlfriend Carrie would no doubt approve. Cleanse your conscience at the same time as your upholstery – win, win.

    2. Baking powder, salt or talcum powder are also said to work wonders. The former is always inevitably buried at the back of a kitchen cupboard, so be extra careful not to smash a plate or two on your way in to fetch it.

    3. Much like a dead cat, a well placed cushion can distract attention from the stain.

    4. They say opposites attract and red and white wine are no exception. Splash white wine on the red wine stain to neutralise it. Then blot enthusiastically for some minutes to repair the damage – a skill number 10 staff would do well to master.

    5. Invite your neighbour in to help you clear it up (subtly check for recording devices hidden on their person as you greet them at the door)

    6. Buy a red sofa.