Life
    Culture

    A handy guide to the next royal podcast

    8 January 2021

    2020 may have been full of despair but it ended with a major moment of hope – Harry and Meghan launched their podcast.

    It showcased their highbrow friendship circle of ‘philanthropists’, ‘explorers of consciousness’ and ‘activists’ (known to us as celebrities, actors and singers) – who shared their thoughts on what we could learn from the pandemic. The first episode got off to a flying start, only narrowly beaten in the Spotify chart by a sleep podcast made up of whale noises. The podcast was rich with warm, soft, drawly Californian accents where the, you know, kinda, vowels are stretched to add the texture of profound insight to everyday thoughts.

    So what topics should they cover next? Here are some suggestions:

    Giving

    Meghan and Harry believe that giving is good and taking is bad. They encourage others to give of themselves, to help others. And they live by their beliefs – in return for a simple podcast, they persuaded Spotify to gift them £25 million. Netflix have asked the couple to do a little bit more than simply talk into a microphone, so they are donating £100 million.

    In episode two, Harry and Meghan could tell us about their difficult journey from a life of wealth and privilege to a life of giving.

    A change of pronouns

    Meghan has shown Harry how to support her. In the last podcast, we could almost hear Meghan squeeze Harry’s arm as he demonstrated how he is learning to be the man that she needs him to be. Simply by changing his beliefs and jettisoning old friends, Harry is free to support Meghan’s aspirations.

    It is only natural that, in episode two, he cements his new role by officially changing his pronoun. Not only would Harry’s transition from ‘I’ to ‘we’ generate some positive press coverage, it would also allow him to make the powerful, supportive gesture of remaining silent throughout the podcast, on the grounds that he has been subsumed into his wife’s consciousness.

    Climate Food Activism

    On the first podcast, an intersectional climate food campaigner told us how our world needed to be radically transformed. On the second podcast she could share how we face extinction unless we stop misgendering food and use the power of the oppressed to grow trees. Broccoli and tofu can be harnessed to change the composition of gases in the atmosphere and free us from the oppression of sexual conformism.

    Guests

    David Attenborough

    Our national treasure could help foster a rapprochement between Harry and his father. David Attenborough, like Prince Charles, has a love of nature and believes that there are too many people in the world, and they are spoiling it. David should be invited as a matter of urgency to join the next episode; we don’t have much time left.

    Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw

    As the founding scholar of the theory of intersectionality, Kimberlé could explain to Harry and Meghan why they think what they do. Although Harry may struggle with some of the finer details of this post-modernist theory, he will understand when to nod knowingly. Harry has extensive experience of the word ‘privilege’. Meghan, who has watched a TED talk on the subject, can show her knowledge, by using the word ‘oppression’ while she looks into Harry’s eyes and squeezes his hand.

    Lewis Hamilton

    The British racing car driver can give us practical advice on how to buy private planes without paying VAT and totally avoid income tax by living in Monaco whilst simultaneously earning a knighthood. Much like Meghan and Harry, he has found meaning in his life by highlighting issues that he thinks ordinary, tax-paying citizens should support.

    We can’t wait for episode two to air.