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    8 culturally inappropriate objects to expunge from your home

    28 August 2019

    As Laura Freeman outlined in last week’s Spectator, decorating your home is a PC minefield. The arbiters of cultural appropriation have decried the use of drums in music conducted by white people, Indian headdresses worn by anyone who isn’t at least an Elizabeth Warren short of being Cherokee, or rice in western cooking.  And now the one place every Englishman felt the most safe – his own living room – is coming under scrutiny.

    It’s a crucial facet of the culture wars engulfing our society — the idea that we need to tear down our culture because it is white, colonialist and, therefore, inherently bad. It’s seen as wrong to take inspiration from anyone else’s cultures which, by virtue of not being white and colonialist, are superior to our own. To do so would be endorse the exact brand of white colonialism that was the problem in the first place. You see?

    Home decor sites such as Apartment Therapy have set about traumatising people from London to Los Angeles with the idea that their interior spaces may be essentially evil. Why? Because it may contain culturally sensitive things. So, take a good look around, grab a bin liner, and getting chucking.

    Rocking Horses

    That antique wooden toy in your corner may look harmless, but as well as promoting the idea that it is ok for wild animals to be kept confined in the house for the amusement of humans, horses are deeply important parts of many mid-asian cultures, especially to the nomadic hordes that rode across the steppes to plunder and pillage everything in their path between the 8th and 12th centuries. You can’t burn it though, because it will hurt the environment. Instead you should sell it, and give the proceeds to the nearest Mongol in reparation for the damage you have caused him.

    Persian Carpets

    How dare you tread your dirty white feet all over the physical embodiment of Persia? Have you no respect for Iranian culture at all?

    Statues of Buddha

    Why don’t you get your own god? No, not Christianity, that’s an oppressive western patriarchy!

    Moroccan Lamps

    Stop setting fire to things, it’s bad for the environment.  But what’s worse is doing so in lamps that were designed for people in North Africa who have to live by firelight, when you have a perfectly functioning lightbulb above your head. This should be your eureka moment to bin the lamps, and then bin the bulb, because you’re destroying the planet.

    Calathea House Plants

    Native to Latin America, your foliage fetish is as much a problem as your addiction to fossil fuels. You have no right to remove these plants from their native environment to keep them caged up inside — it’s worse than an immigration officer detaining a migrant. You need to release them right away, though deporting them back to their original climate would be the worst form of discrimination. Calathea House Plants should have the right to remain.

    Woks

    And don’t stop there. Chopsticks need to go too, along with rice bowls, tea strainers, anything that wasn’t made in Stockport and can’t be traced to the neolithic era in an immediate 8 mile radius from your front door. It may represent the occasional delicious meal for you, but for oriental peoples eating with simple sticks represents the suffering of their ancestors. Or something, I don’t know, I’m white myself so probably shouldn’t speak on their behalf.

    Bonsai Trees

    The Japanese practice of stunting and mutilating plants for aesthetic reasons is morally questionable. It certainly isn’t vegan friendly. But a white person doing it is worse. Whilst we may criticize the Japanese for it, it is their culture, much like whaling, and so should be respected. But if you live in Croydon and you do it, you should probably be harpooned.

    Ethnic decor

    Arabic tiling may look pretty, but it is out of the question, as is African tribal paraphernalia, Japanese folding and sliding screens, or anything Latino. If you have decorated your entire abode along such a theme, it would be better for you to just rip it all out.

    There are plenty of cultures you can rip off, of course, so long as they are white. Scandiscapes (so most of Ikea), Mediterranean villa chic, or traditional English heritage all work. Though, of course, by virtue of being white culture, they also don’t work, because, well, they signify white cultural hegemony. And don’t think you can get away with a minimalist interior; that, too, is white culture, and deeply oppressive.

    I would recommend moving out and buying a caravan, but if you aren’t of Romany or Irish traveller extract, it could be problematic, whilst a tent is worryingly similar to a teepee, which rules it out too.

    Your best bet would be to move to a cave, just as long as you clear it with your local neanderthal community.