Rumours are rife about a possible Tory pact with the Brexit party but each time the idea is put to Boris Johnson he seems to quash the notion as though it were as bad as hanging out with the swots at school. Here are six reasons why it might be worth joining the Brexit party after all.
1. Gets you out of any conversation
Everyone knows the experience of being sat in a dud seat at a dinner party and desperately trying to remove yourself from a dire conversation. Well if you join the Brexit Party you can simply drop this into a discussion and watch as your dinner companion drops you quicker than Farage dropped UKIP.
2. A big fish in a small pond
Dating can be hard – at every party you go to and event you attend there always seems to be a fleet of better looking, smarter, funnier suitors for your preferred sex to pick from. It’s easy to feel mediocre. But if you join the Brexit Party then you suddenly go from being an average sized fish in a huge pond to a bloody shark in a fish tank. The caliber of eligible men/women is practically negligible. So, at any event every other Brexit member will be desperate to leave…with you.
3. You can make up the rest of the policies
Let’s face it – the Brexit party stands for one thing. They don’t even try and pretend there’s anything else. This means you have practically free rein to make up all their other policies. “Yes we want to leave the EU no matter the consequences, but we’re also pledging a free puppy for every lonely person and we’ll make Ovie from Love Island the new head of the Church”. ‘350 million’ was just the appetiser, you can plaster all the lies you want on every bus in London.
4. Your chances of becoming a candidate are high
If you join the Brexit Party in any capacity, your chance of being made a representative is pretty high. It’s like entering a beauty contest against a dozen dirty bores or a pecan-pie eating contest with a class of kids with nut allergies. It’s yours to lose.
5. Something unexpected to say
You know those awkward activities on the first days of work or university where you have to come up with one interesting fact about yourself? Or the family games where you have to say one truth and two lies? It’s always impossibly laborious trying to muster up your one unusual fact no one will know. Well, now you have the perfect answer. Listen to the sound of the pin dropping.
6. Everyone looks good in teal
This may not seem like a big point, but it is in fact very important. Think about all those Lib Dems desperately trying to stay on brand in their canary yellow jumpers, and polka dot banana ties. Yellow is a difficult colour to pull off and they all fail miserably. Teal on the other hand looks great on everyone and when you’re shouting at foreigners or swearing at Remoaners your eyes will sparkle against your cyan coloured clothes.